What a therapist does when she struggles
(pssst, yes, therapists struggle too!)
Can I be honest? I have been on the struggle bus.
A few weeks ago, I temporarily switched over to a different type of short-acting insulin to use up some extra supply I got awhile ago. I initially didn’t think I’d have much of an issue, but it turns out I’m more sensitive than I thought.
Once I was back on my normal insulin, I had a few days of amazing blood sugars (I even hit 100% time in range on Thanksgiving!) before I came down with the flu, which gave me severe insulin resistance for over a week.
When that was over, I realized I was out of both my Dexcom sensors and my metformin prescription, both of which took a few days to sort out.
And now as I’m trying to readjust to some normalcy, my blood sugars are still ping-ponging like an arcade game.
Naturally I have not been sleeping well and I am exhausted.
And this is the point where I think a lot of people would start to feel burned out. There’s so much effort that goes into everyday living, and when it feels like diabetes isn’t playing fair or by the rules (is there such a thing?) it can feel demoralizing.
This past Friday night, as I changed my pod for the third time at 2:30 in the morning, I noticed a thought: “Maybe I should stop trying so hard.”
See, diabetes management is actually on a spectrum. It’s just not a question of “am I doing it or not?” There is a wide range of what “doing” diabetes management can look like. Levels of effort and mindfulness and so forth. Even when we think, “Well I have to manage my diabetes, I have no choice” that’s not entirely true. We have a choice about what that looks like, how much effort we will put into management and how that is going to affect our relationship with our diabetes.
Momentarily I faced with this thought: “This feels too hard.”
The idea of just… coasting sounded really appealing. It appealed to my exhaustion. It appealed to the mental objection I had about why I wanted to stop.
This is where mindfulness becomes really powerful.
Because even in that moment, I knew that this course of action did not appeal to my values.
It didn’t evoke the self-compassion I needed in that moment of bleary-eyed frustration. It didn’t tap into the radical acceptance I needed in order to recognize certain crises can’t erase the care that I actually needed.
It was an answer to a problem, but it was one that just came with more problems.
So, no, I didn’t stop trying. Unfortunately one that frustration and burnout can do is it can make us really short-sighted. Or at least, it does for me.
Instead of seeing the value and impact that my nearly thirty years of diabetes management has had on my life (the children I’ve had! the countries I’ve traveled to!), I get tunnel-visioned. Momentary thoughts reflecting a momentary feeling suddenly feel enormous.
It most certainly has been worth it. The time spent with my children, the adventures we’ve been on, the people I can interact with, the activities and hobbies I engage in every day precisely because I do stay in it. Even when it’s hard.
These are the conversations that I have with my coaching clients. These are the kinds of conversations we will have inside of Mindful Diabetes, my new diabetes coaching membership.
Because these moments happen. If you are not aware (mindful!) that they are happening, they can trap you. They make it harder to live the meaningful life that you want, and even harder to change.
Being a Certified Diabetes Care & Education Specialist and someone with a Master’s degree in counseling means two things: I am an expert in understanding why people think what they think and how that influences people changing their behaviors, and I am an expert in understanding the physiology and management of type 1 diabetes.
Both of things link themselves together in the experience of a PWD. Your management affects your mindset, and your mindset can impact your management.
Nonjudgemental awareness and acceptance of our thoughts and emotions, understanding our personal values and priorities, and engaging consistently in decisions and behaviors that align with those values are keys to living a successful, meaningful life with diabetes.
It’s something we can look forward to exploring inside the Mindful Diabetes community.
However!
Enrollment is only open until December 29th before it closes. Enrollment is only open for a few days each month, so you’ll want to get on it so you don’t miss out! The next enrollment period opens at end of January for the February workshop).
I hope you’ll visit the website to learn more. And please reply to this email if you have any questions.
See you inside.
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